The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys'
For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.
No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:
“You know! Boys will be boys!”
“He’s just going through a phase!”
“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”
“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”
“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”
I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”
She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.
It was so tempting.
He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.
She had to keep her building safe.
Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.
His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.
Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.
I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”
Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?
There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.
There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.
Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”
The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement
YES. This is why I’m so big on consent for kids and not doing things against their consent!
(Source: lastlifeinuniverse, via effervescent-everyday)
there is a general societal idea that female anatomy is weird and gross and female masturbation and sexuality is still seen with distaste and even denied entirely by plenty of people in this world. males being sexual is seen as not only acceptable but is entirely expected and the entire idea is silly and dumb.
(via gaysexinchurch)
do you ever look around at the big crowds of people around you and realize everyone has a story and memories and family and troubles and achievements and a first kiss and a broken heart but you’ll never know any of it and every human life is really intricate and expansive but oh they’ve walked into a shop and you’ll never see them again and you’ll never know just what they were thinking
(via effervescent-everyday)
Angelina Jolie announces a double mastectomy to save her life, people get fucking pissed and act like she’s lost everything that’s made her worthwhile in the first place, AND YOU WONDER WHY I FUCKING HATE THE “SAVE THE BOOBIES” TROPE.
BECAUSE NO ONE ACTUALLY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE WOMAN’S LIFE. WOMEN JUST HAPPEN TO BE ATTACHED TO A PAIR OF BREASTS. WOMEN AREN’T WORTH SAVING—BUT YOU BET YOUR ASS THE PUBLIC WILL BE IN A RIOT IF A GOOD PAIR OF TITS IS IN DANGER.
(via geekygirlfitness)
why do girls prefer dick boys rather than sweet romantic ones then complain about it???????
(via healthyiscontent)
Send me a dirty message on anon, and if im too embarrassed to post it, you win.
(via marineusmc32)
Send me ‘Have You Evers’ and I will reply with Yes or No
(Source: megan-hansenn, via get-fit4you)
